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Patrice Loch Otieno Lumumba was born at NIGHT somewhere in LUO Nyanza in 1962. There were several boys in his family but there was something unique about PLO that his “FATHER” could not stop talking about; the fact that he RESEMBLED A VILLAGE HERDER more than any family member.

This strange resemblance obviously raised credibility issues within the village concerning the behavior of the mother and as they say, “IT’S ONLY THE MOTHER WHO KNOWS THE FATHER OF A BABY”.

Those are the days when such CLANDESTINE OVERTONES especially in women were never thought of. Since there was no DNA testing then, the mother, for fear of harsh curses accepted having crossed the Dead sea with the village Herder after a CONSORTIUM OF PRAYERS WERE PITCHED HER WAY.

The Village Herder ran away and the mother was then forgiven. PLO was allowed to grow peacefully in the village with the father (turned “ADOPTED FATHER”) and ended up collecting the BAD VILLAGE ACCENT which affected his performance in high school.

PLO was forced to REPEAT high school THRICE because he had the urge to go to the University despite the evidence that INTELLIGENCE WAS NOT BORN IN HIM. One would imagine that the mother’s curse kept trailing him. 

He managed to sit with an intelligent student in his third repeat (THE ORIGIN OF PLAGIARISM) and COBBLED marks which were enough to take him to Law school. Those days, LAW as a profession was never attractive and C+ was a good grade.

In the University he never understood why all his FEMALE CLASSMATES were always 10 meters away while talking to him. BAD NEWS PODCAST was able to come across two terrible baggage packs that hindered his free association with peers:

1.) Since cropping from the village and with MATERNAL CURSE (Clandestine behavior) trailing him, no one ever told him the usefulness of a tooth brush. As such, it is whispered that the 10 meter distance was useful to minimize the EFFECTS OF AN ODOR reminiscent of a DECOMPOSING DOG.

2.) Secondly, from the village, PLO collected a HEAVY and NOISY ACCENT and every time he spoke he seemed to be speaking in CAPITAL LETTERS. The 10 meter distance was a form of Ear-Drum health alert.

PLO overcame these and became intelligent enough not to allow the high school mistake to haunt him. He developed a NEW ACCENT through RIGOROUS SPEECH THERAPY and also PLAGIARIZED his way to a law degree. Here, he escaped a “pass grade” by a whisker and you can see him and his foolish friend Chebukati.


Lumumba & Chebukati University Scores


PLO graduated and decided that he was going to design a specific way of speaking and to do that, he had to remember a primary school MATHEMATICAL diagram, a PARALLELOGRAM. To bring out the desired sound (which he uses to date), he had to train his lips to continuously form the SHAPE OF A PARALLELOGRAM while speaking.

PLO’s reloaded speech earned him a very WORTHWHILE FIRST CUSTOMER. This was a KIKUYU WIDOW whose husband had just passed away. Unfortunately, this woman was leaving in KAREN and the house she was staying in had a mortgage which was granted to the husband but whose principal servicing was already 75% paid up.

Remember these are the days when insurance companies had minimal risk appetite and to that extent there were no MORTGAGE PROTECTION COVERS, which are common-place terms these days.

Now the bank was on this HOUSEWIFE’s neck but unfortunately she was being represented by the SPEECH RELOADED GUY. Little did she know that she was going to experience the MOTHER OF ALL VICTIMIZATIONS.

PLO had also learnt the ART OF CHRISTIANITY and indeed knew how to KEEP HOPE ALIVE to his victims. PLO was “NEGOTIATING” with the bank on her behalf to give her time to settle the debt.

On the other hand, PLO also knew the bank wanted out and this is where he demonstrated his FIRST PUBLIC EVIL BEHAVIOR and indeed demonstrated that he was overwhelmed with DEEP DEMONIC CONVICTIONS.

PLO negotiated with the bank to give a waiver where the Loan was reduced with the pretext that he had a buyer of the house in KAREN. Bear in mind the WIDOW is “represented”.

Since the bank was desperate to get out, they granted the request. Remember the woman was a housewife and for sure knew less about financial matters and would readily sign any document given to her by the PRETENDER. Little did she know she was signing A SALE AGREEMENT WITH THE NEW OWNER, MR Pretender HIMSELF PLO Lumumba.

On the D-Day, the woman was forced by the bank to vacate and the PRETENDER was very APOLOGETIC, he explained to the widow how he tried his best but only that his best was never good enough – direct application of the THEORY OF CHRISTIANITY.

Later, when the widow came to pick the last of her belongings and found her Karen home occupied by non other than HIS HIGHNESS THE PRETENDER, she only had this to say: “I AM LOST OF WORDS AND SINCE THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO YOU, MY ONLY OPTION IS TO CURSE YOU”

Luckily he existed at a time when PRETENDERS WERE THE MOST preferred during MOI error and he PLAGIARIZED HIS WAY TO PROFESSORSHIP. He has tried cleaning his image and was at one time spotted PREACHING WINE at the ALL SAINTS CATHEDRAL, a church that no longer has saints, thanks to PROVOST WAINAINA. (PLO Preaching Water but with too much wine in the throat.)

Now do you think FORGERY in IEBC is new to him? No way. He has now converted to the GOD OF FERTILITY who IMPREGNATED SATAN and with IEBC acting as the MIDWIFE delivered a STILLBIRTH baby by the name of UHURU.

  • Swift Laggard II

    Character assassination. Cheap and trashy gossip. Get something better to do with your time. As you sow, so shall you reap.

    • Hamisi Tango

      Hahaa. Because you don’t know PLO. If you asked him, he will tell you its true.

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