Borrowing straight from ANWAR SADDAT, President OURU KINYASA has spent the last 2 nights trying to prevail upon Supreme Court judges to UPHOLD the ELECTORAL FRAUD that the whole world has seen.
It is also said he is worried that Chief Justice DAVID MARAGA, His Deputy PHILOMENA, Judge LENAOLA & Judge SMOKIN are TILTED towards CRIMINALIZING the electoral fraud and calling for fresh elections.
This prompted a HORRIFIC CONVERSATION between him and the CJ which could be weakly speculated as below:
OURU KINYASA: CJ Maraga, I know what you are up to but get this from me, we have invested a lot in this election and we WON’T ALLOW ANY HOLDUP to seat pretty on our way. It is therefore CONSTITUTIONAL AND INCUMBENT upon you to UPHOLD THE WILL OF THE PEOPLE.
MARAGA: But my Lord, there are too many deliberate mistakes which effectively criminalizes JUBILEE, sorry IEBC.
OURU KINYASA: You remember MSANDO? Alijifanya Kifaranga akapatikana na mwewe.
MARAGA: Yes I remember very clearly and those under-world memories made our fellow judge Ibrahim fall sick.
OURU KINYASA: Hapana, Judge Ibrahim, NJOKI and Ojwang are our TEAM PLAYERS and as a matter of fact there judgement had been ready for over a year now.
MARAGA: Okay!!!!!!!!!!!!! (maraga now as scared as a dukduk that has spotted a big CAT)
OURU KINYASA: Here is the proposal and am certain you have heard this from Judge NJOKI NDUNGU and LAWYER SHARRIF NASIR AHMED.
I am offering KShs 1 Billion to each judge which shall be transferred from our NIS vote head account which is not audited and as such Government Auditor (Ouko) will not catch up with you.
MARAGA: My Lord, but we are here to follow the law as a matter of fact the evidence is quite overwhelming.
OURU KINYASA: At this Juncture Ouru Kinyasa calls Government Pathologist YOHANNSEN ODIWUOR and puts him on Speaker phone.
He is like, hello Mr. Pathologist.
YOHANNSEN ODIWUOR: Hello our maker.
OURU KINYASA: Right here am with some STUBBORN JIGGER. Are you very busy or you need some work? You understand every year you need to do at least 5 GOVERNMENT SPONSORED AUTOPSIES out of a POSSIBLE 10 for an Election year?
YOHANNSEN ODIWUOR: Yes my maker. I try my best but as my boss I appreciate the leads you have given lately.
Remember you promised if we manage to do an autopsy for baba you will transfer the whole of Nairobi to my account as a bonus? BADO IMESHINDIKANA.
OURU KINYASA: I have Maraga with me as we speak but he is proving stubborn.
YOHANNSEN ODIWUOR: Very easy. His POSTMORTEM report is ready. Just liaise with DiCIO as to where they will pick him. MUGUGA FOREST will be suspicious. May be a forest in Kisii.
OURU KINYASA: Alright Yohannsen Let’s Talk later.
He turns to Maraga who all that time was listening to the conversation and he knows Yohannsen Oduor as a REPTILE who SPANKS Accident Victims.
Mr. CJ now you heard for yourself the AUTOPSY IS READY ready.
Two Choices for you:
1.) Accept the Kes 1B and UPHOLD MY ELECTORAL FORMULAS of which it will be a win-win.
2.) Or get ready to ENJOY THE SERVICES of our CHIEF PATHOLOGIST Yohannsen Odiwuor.
MARAGA: My Lord, I accept to UPHOLD THE WILL OF THE ALGORITHMS. I am only 66 years and you know life starts at 40. So I am a young 26 years old and would not want to meet the FAIR WEATHER GOVERNMENT PATHOLOGIST Yohanssen Odiwuor.
OURU KINYASA: In that case, let’s start preparing Kasarani for swearing-in.