Press "Enter" to skip to content


We want to thank our viewers for the OVERWHELMING reactions to our last series. You will remember (ama angalao jilazimishe kukumbika) we made a number of commitments as regards our future series.

(Wilfred Musau’s Sexcapades Exposed)


As an institution, we believe that a COMMITMENT IS A PROMISE MADE and a PROMISE MADE IS A DEBT UNPAID. Fast forward, UNPAID DEBT EARNS INTEREST and we do not want to pay interest so we must pay our debt to you.


Dear countrymen, it’s our belief that every RELIGIOUS PERSON UNDERSTANDS that Sodom & Gomorrah were destroyed by God as a result of INCOMPREHENSIBLE LARGE-SCALE WICKEDNESS and not even 10 righteous men could be found in the cities.




If you believe in the CREATION STORY rather than Newton’s evolution, then you probably know that everything under the sun CAME IN PAIRS including beasts. Oxford Dictionary defines a PAIR AS A SET OF TWO THINGS USED TOGETHER OR REGARDED AS A UNIT.


Now that you know about Bali’s Best Bar & Resort, it will be GROSSLY UNFAIR not to introduce its TWIN BROTHER in MATTERS OF SPERM BANKING. That twin brother is just next to it and it’s called PARK PLACE LODGING.


For those who do not know Park Place, please be informed next: It’s a lodging next to Bali’s Best Bar and owned by a short Kamba man going by one name of MUTHEMBWA. Park Place and Bali’s Best Bar are regarded as hideouts which compete as BOX OFFICE ATTRACTIONS IN MATTERS OF PROMISCUITY.


As a Relationship Manager in KCB (a role the Alligator rebuked in his CV), WILFRED MUSAU was a STAUNCH BELIEVER OF KICK-BACKS and it was him who introduced Park Place to KCB and through HIS INFLUENCE, they were eventually financed. Remember this was despite the revelations that this account was STRUGGLING in BBK and was already classified as Non-Performing by BBK. CLEARLY, YOU SHOULD KNOW PEOPLE.


Let’s define what a Kick-back means: A KICK-BACK has a CLOSER MEANING TO A BRIBE more than anything else. Yours Truly the Alligator prefers to call it a TOKEN OF APPRECIATION. You remember the former Safaricom CEO MICHAEL JOSEPH referred to Kenyans as a PECULIAR LOT? Kenyans paid back and REFERRED TO HIM AS MR. 10% because for every contract he gave to Safaricom contractors, he DEMANDED 10% OF THE CONTRACT VALUE. It is that 10% which is equivalent to a Kick-Back.


What was shocking this time was how WILFRED MUSAU’S KICK-BACK was delivered to him BY MUTHEMBWA, the owner of Park Place.


Wilfred Musau’s KICK-BACK WAS A 10 YEAR FULLY PAID-FOR LEASE AGREEMENT (Attached is an alleged copy as received) of a CORNER ROOM AT THE THIRD FLOOR OF PARK PLACE where he frequently butchers his female victims (workmates). Seems Mr. Muthembwa was aware of Musau’s weakness on panty matters for him to suggest such a kick-back. The signing of the lease almost coincided with the 2012 Valentine’s day, a symbol of a BUSY SEASON.




Wilfred Musau’s Kick-back in form of a hotel room for Promiscuity


Some of the MARRIED WOMEN (Not exhaustive but who have been his CLANDES from the days of KCB and NIC) who have continuously been used as VESSELS IN A BALL EMPTYING EXERCISE by the alligator, using Park Place as a SLAUGHTER-HOUSE are here and they are (some drumrolls please):

  • Zippy Maore – Head mortgages.
  • Susan Mbula – Head corporate communications.
  • Alice Nyokabi – Head Business Banking.
  • Lydia Saina – Head Operations.


And as the SAYING GOES: ONE ROTTEN TOMATO SPOILS THE REST IN THE BARREL, Wilfred Musau has trained an HEIR APPARENT who is still a rookie but trying and His name is REUBEN KOECH.


As part of his PRACTICAL TUTORIALS, REUBEN KOECH decided to pursue a morally upright and married woman, her name is ADRIANNA LANGAT. ADRIANNA LANGAT is said to be a God Fearing woman and is a MINISTRY LEADER at REPENTANCE & HOLINESS CHURCH (Prophet Owuor’s). She is also a star performer going by her job objectives.


With this level of RIGHTEOUSNESS, REUBEN KOECH’S ADVANCES were REJECTED IN TOTALITY and instead was INVITED TO SALVATION by Adrianna Langat (Lakini Shetani ana nguvu pwana). When Reuben Koech realized the woman was determined to RESTRICT HIM TO EMOTIONAL PROMISCUITY (Coveting) and as a result disappoint his role model (Wilfred Musau), he decided that he was going to WITCH-HUNT and SACK ADRIANNA LANGAT on performance issues. However, through spiritual guidance, Adrianna Langat had already REPORTED ABOUT THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT to HR department.


REUBEN KOECH is not entirely a rookie. It is said LYDIA SAINA was his AWKWARD MEAL before WILFRED MUSAU WRESTLED her from him, also called HANDING-OVER UPWARDS.


Adrianna Langat has now been FORCEFULLY transferred to the BAD LOANS DEPARTMENT but as a result of Reuben Koech’s powers, she is EARMARKED FOR SACKING ANYTIME soon with an ongoing dedicated witch-hunting.


Is it wrong to lead a righteous life in National Bank? Does it have to be like a Sodom city? LIFE IS FRAGILE AND YOU MUST MAKE EVERY MOMENT YOU LIVE COUNT, BUT POSITIVELY.


Today the 10th of November 2017, WILFRED MUSAU AND HASSAN MOHAMMED (Chairman) have SPONSORED the Bank’s BOARD to a COSTLY TEAM-BUILDING IN MALAYSIA. Wilfred Musau is carrying with him one of the above mentioned professional but married ESCORTS.


We are told that during AHMED MUNIR’S time as the CEO, him and his cousin (the same Chairman Hassan) sponsored the same TEAM-BUILDING to UAE where Munir also carried a PROFESSIONAL ESCORT (Rahab Rono). On their way back, the cousins (Munir and Hassan) had MIRACULOUSLY BOUGHT FURNITURE worth 500,000 Dollars for the bank (Rest assured, We shall revisit this).


SAME SCRIPT BUT DIFFERENT PLAYERS. National Bank is not a multinational bank with branches only in Kenya. Why have a team-building (or strategy as they call it) in Malaysia?


REMINDER: For any pressing issues, Our twitter handle is @badnewsanalyst. Our email address is [email protected]. WE ACCEPT ANONYMOUS EMAILS FOR PURPOSES OF SANITIZING OUR SOCIAL FABRIC AND PROTECTING WHISTLE BLOWERS.

%d bloggers like this: